First Online Date: What (BLEEP) Am I Going to Wear??

One of the BEST things about online dating versus 'real dating' is that you can do it in your sweat pants!
While I online date I'm usually wearing an old boyfriends flannel pj bottoms, my hair up in a greasy bun, glasses instead of contacts, and I'll be lucky if I remembered to put on deodorant...

It's easy to get away with because lets face it, the pictures online do the speaking for you. But here's the catch, no doubt the handful of pictures online were the best of the best of the best that are out there, so that means the first date there is a ton of pressure to look good. As good as you did at your best friends wedding (the half hour before you got into the vodka); or that time you looked away from the camera by accident, but it ended up being the best profile shot you of you in existence (your very own Blue Steel...).The key is to look good, but not like you tried ridiculously hard. 'Oh this old thing, I just threw it on.'

SO WHAT THE (BLEEP) AM I GOING TO WEAR ON MY DATE?!?

As I mentioned on my very first Online Date I wore a great outfit... but now that its summer, boots and jeans may be a little out of place depending on the weather. Here's some great looks that are put together, APPROPRIATE, but not like you've tried on everything in your wardrobe before you decided upon your outfit (though I highly recommend doing that... just in case)

Christian Dior: Pre-Fall 2012 Line: This is my fave look! It is the ultimate meeting up in the evening look. It's perfect. 

Bottega Veneta: Resort 2013 Collection. Beautiful for a dinner date.

Michael Kors: Pre-Fall 2012 Line. Love it for a drink in the evening. The cut is poweful, the pattern is friendly.

Band of Outsiders: Pre-Fall 2012 Line. With a vintage cut and pattern, this ain't yo' gramma's dress. Board games, drinks, a band, this dress can really do it all and its great for accessorizing.

Michael Kors: Pre-Fall 2012 Line. Yup plaid is back (did it ever leave??) Coffee at the hipster Cafe in the hipster part of town.

Valentino: Spring 2012 Line. A maxi dress with some structure. Beautiful for a picnic, lunch on a patio, going down to the waterfront. (Below) Same Spring line, but the flowiness of the dress gives it a more romantic look...

 

Calvin Klein: Pre-Fall 2012 Line. Strong lines but the cut makes the dress seem sweet - a brighter colour would be better for summer. Wear with heels for an evening look and with flats for a great lunch date.

Christian Dior: Pre Fall 2012 Line. The perfect Lunch date dress, for hopefully the perfect lunch date.

My First Online Date and My First Big Lesson

After a few months in the big city and realizing the only way I was meeting guys at the time was at the bar, I realized I had to expand my network. That's when I psyched myself up for and filled out two profiles (one on Plenty of Fish and one on OkCupid) - I know people who have found relationships on both but have heard Plenty of Fish referred to as Plenty of Fu...(ya, you know what). After a month and a half of online dating, I had greater luck on OkCupid because it did seem that all the fish on Plenty of Fish wanted was to ... you know what.

So the time came for my first OkCupid date. One of online dating biggest faults is that makes you feel like you have Dating A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder). You're talking to one person about something and another person about something else; then the conversation goes on hiatus for a few days while you jump back into the real world. You try to get the conversation back on track if you can, or just give it up if you've already lost interest. It's just hard to keep focused at times.

Despite my feelings of Dating A.D.D, there were a few guys that I talked to online regularily (most from OkCupid). And there was one guy in particular that I ended up talking to online for steadily, then via text with (mostly at his persistence). The chemistry felt great, so we decided to meet.

For our first date we were supposed to go to a Board Game Cafe (I loved the idea, I feel he knows me so well already). I was dressed casual sexy - nice top (not too much cleavage - don't want to give the wrong impression), skinny jeans and sexy boots. This should be the first date uniform for an online evening date - if you're dressed fancier because the location calls for it, you may be going somewhere TOO fancy for a first date.

When we arrived at the cafe and they are running behind and can't seat us, so we end up going to a hipster little bar and having a few beers and what I thought to be a great chat. When we finally arrive at the cafe we decided instead to buy a game and take the fun to his apartment instead. Let me just interject here that IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I had genuine intentions of just hanging out and continuing the date which I made perfectly clear: "Just so you know, I'm not having sex with you"... I'm very direct, as you should be when it comes to online dating. I can't wait until I'm on a terrible date and within 5 minutes say its not working and just walk out... back to the date...
With a glass of wine in hand we proceeded to play games (pinball and foosball) and ok, we may have kissed by the evenings end.
On my way home I get a text from him making sure I made it.

First Date Rating: I give it a B maybe even B+

So days go by and I don't hear from him. But the first date went great, so I'm super confused... until I realize that another feature of Online Dating other than Dating A.D.D is you're simultaneously dating multiple people. It's pretty rare to be focusing in one person the way people used to in the 'olden days'. I find out that same week he has 'developed feelings' for another girl he was also dating. After the momentary feeling of rejection I realize relief starts flooding my body. Suddenly I think of all the reasons I would never really date this guy; all the reasons I would break up with him by 3 months times; all the things I was looking past because when online dating you just want it to work sooooo bad. People have this notion that online dating is easy. It's not. It may in some ways be harder than 'real dating' in the same way a task may be harder for someone who actually has A.D.D; they have to focus harder to get the task done. And because the process of online dating is so annoying for someone who just wants to be in a serious relationship you just want that first date (and every date) to be the LAST one. We want it to end! So, it was the first lesson I learned in online dating; don't take it so seriously. Don't force it into something it's not just because you want to be in a relationship.
I think that's good advice in general, but we sometimes we need a little reminder and I'm glad I learned it so quickly in my online dating escapades.
After that I took a short break from online dating because I really didn't have the time and energy to sink into it, AND I thought 'who wants to be on a computer in the summer' ... then I received wedding invitations one after another in the mail... decided to give it another shot. Can't wait for my next date!

Eharmony: Your Online Dating Pimp

Of all the online dating websites I am on, Eharmony is the only one for which I pay a membership fee. The price is easy to rationalize; it's only half the cost of my gym membership, a fraction of a tanning membership, and what I spend in a week for fancy iced coffees could cover a month of online dating easily.
The part that is not as easy to rationalize is the fact I'm paying for it. Why does this bug me? Maybe because it makes me fell a little pathetic? As if, I'm so desperate for a date that I have to pay just for the POTENTIAL of someone to go on a date with?

The thing about Eharmony and paying for online dating, as opposed to the free online dating websites, is that it DOES give you a different (and I'm going to go ahead and say BETTER) calibre of man, as well as men with different INTENTIONS (say, for a long term relationship); I don't think guys are going to pay $30+per month just to find girls to they want to bang, when they can do it for free.

The only issue with Eharmony is that it (the website) does all the matching for you. They claim their questionnaire, which is mandatory to fill out, covers 29 key areas "that help you develop a great long-term relationship," is what makes their site so effective. Now, I don't really know how this questionnaire works, but for those who are anything like me I want to find someone that is the OPPOSITE of me not LIKE me; I want someone who has similar values and morals, but is opposite of me tempermeant wise. I'm passionate, firey and quick tempered; I need someone who is composed, easy going and patient. Someone who can chill me out, and maybe someone who I can UN-chill a little too.

Unlike other sites you CANNOT surf for matches; they are generated and sent to you by Eharmony.
And they will send you matches when they have them for you. On my first days I received 29 Matches - out of this I responded to 6! That's 20% - Which is actually AMAZING -  There are plenty of times I go on Plenty of Fish have over 20 emails and delete ALL of them.

I just started Eharmony recently, but so far so good. For now I'm going to get over paying for it... atleast until I see how the dates go... 

Gone Fishin': Online Dating

Maybe it's true what they say. Maybe there are plenty of fish in the sea... If my childhood taught me anything it's that real fishing is not as easy as Sesame Streets' Bert and Ernie would have you believe. It's not like you just get in a boat and call 'here fishy fishy fishy' and they hop right in the boat. Fishing, is much more complicated. You actually have to know what you're doing. It's an acquired skill, that takes years of practice and many failures before you can achieve any ounce of success. 

For starters...You have to make sure you have the right bait for the type of fish you want to catch; you have to know where to drop your line; you have to know when it's time to reel it in for the day and just take a lunch break; and most importantly you have to be able to recognize when the fish you caught is to small and that you need to throw it back, instead of talking yourself into keeping it.

And you know what, they are right ... their are plenty of fish in the sea. If you don't catch the fish you want, don't blame it on the fish, blame it on the fishing. If you're sitting in a boat calling 'here fishy fishy fishy,' in REAL life you're going to get exactly what you put into it. I've had to learn that the hard way (Thanks for the misguidance, Ernie!). And the only thing that gets my through it all is knowing I can share the experiences, for better or for worse... Here are my adventures in fishing...