After my latest trip home and Bonnaroo Music Festival in Tennessee I figured it...
For 4 solid days I was surrounded by 100,000 people (the population of my hometown) but in a field in Manchester Tennessee where the 11th Annual Bonnaroo Music Festival was held. For 4 days, I found myself talking to more strangers than I have all year. And really talking to them with genuine interest. I'm laying outside my tent and someone comes by to ask 'how it's going' and genuinely wants to know; I'm standing in line to the bathroom and someone asks 'what band are you going to see today' in an effort to connect; I'm waiting urgently to use the porta-potty and someone is more interested in where I come from then pretending no one else is around them and staring straight ahead. 4 solid days of this type of genuine interaction, which also happened to be preceded by a visit to my small town where I couldn't walk by an individual without being acknowledge. It took me at least until my third person nodding/smiling at me as I roller bladed around the lake to realize that they were just being friendly, and that it indeed felt strange to be acknowledged by a stranger because I had been living in a big city for too long.
After only a mere 7 months of living in a big city, I caved to the pressure to act like everyone around me who was not involved in my immediate world just did not exist. It's like every interaction is that type of awkward people-on-an-elevator-ignoring-each-other type of interaction. We're all standing there, thinking the same thing... this is so awkward I just want it to be over! Or dear GOD, someone please break the silence. As we all stare at the numbers of the floors as they go by until the elevator will stop and ease the tension. Anytime I'm around strangers in close quarters (in line for a coffee, sitting outside of a coffee place, browsing the movie rentals etc.) I feel that awkwardness.
After being in my small town followed by 4 days at Bonnaroo Music Festival I was sitting outside a coffee place back in Toronto; three men walked by me in a 2 minute span, almost brushing my leg to get by, and didn't bother to even glance my way or acknowledge my presence. Is it really that difficult to tilt you head a few degrees upward and smile? After weeks of being free of societal constraints, weeks of acknowledging other human beings who have no direct impact on my life and I may never see again, I started to feel the awkwardness slip back into place...
That's when it dawned on me - how are you supposed to meet people in a big city? You just can't because of the complete isolation in which everyone lives. If you're not in someone's immediate reality then you don't exist.
Why is it only acceptable in small towns to talk to strangers and acknowledge each others existence, or crazy hippie (or this year 'hipster') music festivals. Why do we as a society opt to online date instead of meet people in real life... we are too... what?? Too afraid to talk to strangers in real life? Too embarrassed because society doesn't not accept it or WORSE we may get rejected in person? I get it, I play the online dating game too... but I wish I didn't have too. So we resort to the impersonal internet. And the truth is, as I have mentioned before, it actually takes way more effort. I can tell if I like someone with a few minutes of talking to them in person, while online I have talked to people extensively only to meet them in real life and find the chemistry was all fabricated.
It's unfortunate, but its a necessity in a big city. Naturally there are benefits to online dating, as in geographical location is not necessarily a precursor any longer to people getting together. But at the same time, it would be nice to have the option to see someone in a store, per say, strike up a conversation and perhaps take it from there. The fact that that sort of interaction is not really an option is the unfortunate part.
One of the couples I hung out with at Bonnaroo Music Festival had actually met a Bonnaroo 2 years ago! How amazing is that, they had a mutual friend somewhere in there, but it's really the atmosphere that makes it conducive to meet new people. You don't have that in Toronto or big cities. When is the last time you opened a genuine conversation with a stranger?
By the way... here's me on the WHAT STAGE at Bonnaroo in front of who knows how many 10s of thousands of people having a stage party. You can see me at about 1:15 on the right side, front of the line in the Rainbow Cowboy hat. (sigh)Why can't interacting be like this in every day life? Less thinking and caring about what society thinks and more... well more DANCING IN RAINBOW COWBOY HATS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZzZShY-6JY
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