Top 10 List: Reasons For Women to Love Being Single

TOP TEN REASONS FOR WOMEN TO LOVE BEING SINGLE

This list is inspired by an article I saw in Cosmopolitan Magazine that had top reasons to love being single… they included ridiculous things like being able to buy low fat cheese not the full fat stuff boys like – pardon? Why wouldn’t I want fat in my food? If I’m taking the fat out of the food I may as well just eat lined paper.

Or another reason to love being single according to Cosmopolitan Magazine is “You’ll never know who you’ll have sex with next.” And if by “who” they mean what kind of Bryers Ice Cream, and by ‘have sex with’ they mean eat the entire tub of… well then Yes I guess I’m inclined to agree with that statement Cosmo.

Here’s the REAL Top Ten Reasons to Love Being Single…

#10 If you forget to brush your teeth before bed there’s no one to feel self conscious around when you wake and have morning breath… because the dog sure won’t care. And if your dog is anything like my dog, Bowie, judging by how he licks my mouth in the morning, he will really like it!

#9 When something around the house breaks you don’t have to watch your other half stubbornly try to fix it. That’s when you call the sexiest plumber/electrician/contractor to come fix it. And when he shows up at your house, ever so suggestively ask him something like if he has an extra pipe you can have because it’s been a long time since you’ve had your hands wrapped around a pipe and you could really use a big pipe right about now. The trick is to not be too obvious about it.

#8 You can lay in bed all day reading Fifty Shades of Grey…and by reading I mean aptly scanning the good parts… over and over and over and over again.

#7 You don’t have to try to look cool in front of your partner by pretending you are above the gossip regarding Kristen Steward cheating on Robert Patterson. You can Google it all you want and cry at your computer. WHY KRISTEN??WHY????

#6 Never having to remove body hair. Sure laugh at my moustache now, but when I’m stuck on a deserted island with a bunch of shaven non-single women and I’m the only one with long and strong enough armpit hair to fashion a rope and lasso some sea turtles… we will see who will be laughing then…

#5 Whip cream directly from the can… into your mouth. Why dirty a dish?

#4 Basketball Season, Hockey Season, Baseball Season, Soccer Season, Football Season… try Ice-Cream-Sundaes-and-80s-Movies-Season YEAR ROUND!

#3 Never ever having shut the bathroom door. For anything. Ever. In fact, I just took right off its hinges; it gives my apartment a nice open concept feeling.

#2 Three Words: Hot Water Bottles. They don’t snore; they don’t steal the covers; and they don’t try to do you at 4am while you’re sleeping because they had an erotic dream.

And last but not least. The number one reason to love being single…

#1 Those precious moments when the moon is out and the world lies still around you… and you lay on the couch after eating a huge meal and let one RIP so hard it makes your neighbours’ TVs flicker. Heaven, my friends, is never having to hold in your farts.